t.h.e.y a.s.s.u.m.e

i really have had so much time to think and digest this. one thing some people have to understand, is that to have a degree of attractiveness in your favor, or perhaps stronger assets in particular areas than some (and in mine it is not the chest area), it leads people to believe that you are inundated with men knocking at your door... that you have a far easier life than most? how do people come to that conclusion? yes we all look at things and wish we could have them, whether it be money, the perfect home, car, or in this case looks or attributes, but does that necessarily mean that to have these things will bring happiness? i am by no means unhappy with what god chose to give me, but what i am struggling with is people's perceptions...

women are quite possibly the queen of all bitches... they hate you just for having what possibly they don't.. and i speak from experience, because, although i consider myself pretty average to just above the norm, who was lucky enough to avoid the beating of the ugly stick to an extent, i do get treated like the anti christ more often than not when i enter a room or visit the gym... it's almost as if you know what they're thinking "bitch, wait until you have a baby one day and your body takes on a mind of its own." or "when you hit my age, you'll know what it's all about to have a weight issue." instantly they've summed you up as this self absorbed, vain, shallow, husband and boyfriend stealer who knows nothing of the ravagings of age or gravity ...

i have always been left-of-centre, never run with the masses, never done what was expected of me. if the outfit shocks i'll wear it, if i want to get a 9th tattoo, i'll get it... but what you don't realize, as you assume to know who i am and where i come from, is that i am a 43 yr old divorced mother who had her daughter when she was 20 yrs old. you may think what you like because you don't know any better than to hate because you don't have and because jealousy is an all consuming behavior of the human make up ... but also remember this... i get up at 5am each working day to be at gym by 6 so i know what it means to have discipline, and this i have done since i was 23. all i can say is, don't make your issues mine... i see people of all shapes and sizes putting in their time in the gym and as far as i'm concerned, they deserve every ounce of respect, unlike the many middle-aged house wives and pot bellied men who sit there and judge and haven't so much as kicked there legs to get the covers off in the morning let alone run up a flight of stairs and believe certain people were just born with good genes or have a great plastic surgeon... i've never been under the knife and never will.

and now for men... well this i have yet to understand... some say they behave a certain way because they feel intimidation, others because, again, they believe that certain women have men banging down their doors "literally" and so feel they need to be brought down a peg or two. they feel that it just isn't necessary to be polite or to say a complimentary thing, instead you get treated like one of the guys. you can have spent 2 hours putting your look together and they will look straight through you when you walk through a door... you walk into a room with a friend and they are asking 20 questions about them and do they have a boyfriend? like your last nights left overs. it seems the more fortunate i believe can't find a decent boy friend because men feel they're too over powering and other men take notice of them so that breeds insecurity... but like i said, so i've been told... the other issue for women like my self is that you don't really fit into any particular category... you're too old for one, but don't look your age, and you're too young for the other and the rest that are in it are losing their hair and their teeth, along with their minds, left-right-and-centre.

all-in-all it can be a very lonely existence because you spend your life trying to justify, that just because you look above average doesn't mean your brain is below it... that you actually have a very grounded and gentle approach to life when you're not busy proving a point about who you are and that the tough exterior has had to be created for obvious reasons. the fact that people believe that your tough therefore you can take it is a totally misguided concept.

one day, there will come a time when a man will wish to know me for who i am, want to take the time and energy to invest in me, and actually treat me like a woman, let a lone a human being... let's not give up hope they still exist and that chivalry is not dead just yet. having been single now for more years than i have toes... i need to stop believing there's some truth in the rumor that all the good one's are taken...